Just Passing Through

February 15, 2011

I’m on a dangerous mission to space. I am an underling on the ship, but I have had a vision and I know deeply that I will be called to perform a great service that will cost my life. My superiors are treating the mission as if it is a party. The Captain of the ship is a Stepford blonde and was quoted on tv as saying that her only goal for the mission was to take a long walk on the moon, as long as she liked. The ship’s elite arrive and begin drinking and carrying on, and she shoos the underlings out of the party. We sit in the “alley” of the ship dejected. They throw an alien at us for sport, and though I know the alien is not going to hurt us, I seize with panic as it approaches. In a jarring motion it whips its hand in front of my face. On each of its fingertips are five tiny fingertips. He’s mocking me when he whispers, “Evolution.” He flops around in the street suddenly shouting, “Oh, no! But I forgot that its all about feminism!! Feminism is in charge!” That’s it, I think. I walk right into the command center of the ship to find the Captain and her equally Stepfordian co-commanders crafting idly. “They are mocking us and what’s worse, is that your command is empowering men and not women!” The Captain continues gluing her colored foam refusing to answer me. I look to all the women in the room confused, “Does someone else have something to say?” “Don’t worry,” the co-captain assures her Captain, “It won’t spread.” I realize with horror that they consider me mutinous! I realize that the mission is lost if they refuse to hear me. “Don’t you want to know what I mean?” I ask. I want to tell them about my vision, the message from the alien, the great stake of our mission. She shakes her head from side to side, pressing a flower into the glue.

Hey Wynne

There is nothing and i mean nothing in the world better than six hours at the ladies spa.

My perfect day: written 2/2009

My perfect day

to wake up not feeling weighted down by the person next to me

  or the work ahead

  but to feel that crisp sense of possibility

  and eager energy

  to stretch gently

  drink coffee

  and go for a walk while the town wakes up

  come home and find my boyfriend and kids running around having breakfast

  he is a stay at home dad

  i get ready for work and we play around

then i go to the AA factory

  where everyone is so psyched about their jobs

  and we high five and spend the morning problem solving

  and then Abby and I have lunch

  expensive salads and a glass of wine

  to celebrate the launch of our new line

  after lunch i meet my crew at the studio

  do hair and makeup

then we shoot on site in the woods

  the light is just right and everybody nails their scene

  so we light up a jammy and mess around in the woods

  and I feel so lucky to be part of such an amazing bunch of women

  and that our work is respected and sought after

  when i get home around 6 i’m wiped out

everybody gets into bed with me and we snuggle and talk about the day

  when i wake up, i smell spaghetti

  and I sit down with my family and we laugh so hard we start to cry

  and eat spaghetti

  afterward my boyfriend goes to band practice

  a friend comes over and we hang out

  fall asleep watching a movie on the couch

  my boyfriend comes home

i kiss my friend goodbye

  and me and him fuck and make out and fall asleep

  and make love and fall asleep

  and wake up and make out

  and then fall back asleep

  and when the daylight comes in the window

  i wake up with a smile on my face

  THAT IS WHAT I WANT

Commitment to Journal Writing

I’m making a commitment to you, Journal Writing. You will be my practice. I think this is a nice place to be stored. In Wynne’s brain, in Jr’s, I think my Mom sometimes reads.

I’ve been putting this together for a long time. Its a Consciousness Raising at the top of every month. On the 1st. I like the date being arbitrary. Or my other idea is the Full Moon. Channeling the energy of a full moon seems riskier.

Characters:

Phys Ed/Self-Defense Teacher

Home Economics Teacher (who actually teaches manners and sex/drug ed)

Pyramid Scheme: Getting Paid for Women’s Work

Adamtha: Spiritual Leader

Then having one or two guests with me on real or artistic topics.

Non-Violent Communication

Stretching

Anthems

Video

Audio

etc..

List of Stages:

Backstage

Voyeur

DV

Hotel Room

Percival Landing at night

Phantom City

My Living Room

Eagles

Loft on Cherry

Forget It

I’ve been thinking this week about forgetting. How to forget? There is this fanatical desire since the moment I was born to learn the language I was hearing, to learn what all the words meant, and most importantly how to use the words, but now I wish I didn’t have any of it. Just the wonder of experience, and none of the ways to describe it.

Your Presents

I want to give you the protection of Sveti Petka an Orthodox saint of travel. 

And the friendship of the two dogs who visited me in my dream.

And the blessings of the angels who live under the 4th Avenue Bridge, they wish you well.

And most of all love from me.

Thanks for your amazing friendship Lauren.  Your lay inspiration down everywhere.

June 16th

Ryan and I went to a small, mountainous European country to meet their black president. We stayed in their royal home in the mountains on a ski slope where the water was so fresh. It was thick and pure and I drank and drank and drank until I found myself quite high. I was also quite attracted to the Presidents wife. Ryan and I went to a movie, but the film was a scary movie of us going camping, so we left. We decided to go to the new restaurant Abby and I had recently opened, but when I got there, I discovered Abby had already done all the work. It looked beautiful. It was the perfect hang out. Ryan and I hung out while the place closed down for the night, we sat on the stairs in the atrium, looking out into the street when a couple walked in to go to their apartment upstairs. What are you doing here, they eerily hissed and glared at us as they passed. Creeped out, we locked ourselves into the restaurant and turned to face two women sitting down at a low table talking. You have to go, I said, and shuffled them out a side door and I leaned in to lock it, but it pulsed from the other side. I shut it with all my might and the person on the other side pushed with all theirs. No! I yelled. You’re not coming in! Who are you? Say something! A standoff of pushing, the intruder silent.  Finally, Ryan says, just open the door and see who it is. On the other side, holding a slick and shiny paper sack full of donuts was Christine, Ryan’s band mate, looking unfazed saying nothing.  From across the street two dogs start bounding towards me. Both big and white, one had shaggy hair and puppy dog eyes and the other the keen beauty of a wolf. I hugged and kissed them both. I was so happy to see them. Its Scrappy, I said! Its Scrappy! Then Ryan and I realized without saying so, that if a soul can split into two beings, then two beings could combine to create a single soul. We looked at each other as if we could melt into one another, and it was the best feeling in the world.   Then I realized with horror that he was coming to wake me up from my nap and I wanted to stop him! So I opened my eyes, and his head was at the door. You’ve been asleep for a half hour, baby. You should get up.

The Old The New

I’m all over the place.

have i told you about that?

3:04pmWhitney

at least you’re doing something productive by fb chatting with me.

3:05pmMe

that’s the thing

i’m really fucking off

3:05pmWhitney

me too

3:05pmMe

i just have so much to do its ridiculous

and i refuse to do it

on principle

in psychic class this weekend

i had to go into this cave

and in the cave were two windows

in the left a word appeared

Don’t

representing my old consciousness

3:07pmWhitney

?

3:07pmMe

my self imposed limitations

and in the right a word appeared

ENTIRE

representing my change of attitude

3:07pmWhitney

interesting

3:08pmMe

and then i sat down at a pottery wheel

and could make anything i wanted

so i tried but kept fucking up

first i made a vase and destroyed it

then i decided a bowl

then i couldn’t get the bowl to stay right

and finally i decided to stop worrying about what it was going to become

3:09pmWhitney

you stopped forcing a mold

3:09pmMe

and just enjoy the sensation of the sandpaper against the bottom of my hands

yeah, and the clay slipping through my fingers